a song, a soul and a purpose

makes love a waste

guh-guh- girls are the worst

(Source: newg1rl, via newgirlthings)

lecataste

(via s0ft-sh0ulders)

(via high-speed-french-train)

cool cool cool.

(Source: vimeo.com)

love-poetry-crafty:

tupac

and nobody cared

(Source: thenationalva, via high-speed-french-train)

This is my coach:)

Blood and water.

It flowed down his side as the spear pierced his skin

I’m his daughter

but I’m also his bride and it’s hard for me to drink this cup

‘cause it means that someone loved me enough

to die

Blood and water

the marriage of the two came intravenously

a little bag of life tethered to me like a sad dog taking me for a walk

Biology

11^th grade

I learnt about how oxygen is carried through the blood stream to and from the heart like the prodigal son that always comes back always comes back always comes back

I was the prodigal son’s sister

the sister of a stallion who broke his parents in with heartache

He was the life of the party

but when he had nothing left he returned to his mare for forgiveness. He gave his life to God and he turned himself around and it wasn’t easy.

 Like any king and queen whose paper-bag prince blows back home they were joyous. I could see it in their eyes they were so proud of him. What a miracle! He was gone, but he came back, what a blessing. Look at him, look at him, look at him, look what a Godsend

I felt unrewarded, having obeyed them all those years, getting straight a’s and going to church and doing my chores I was his shadow

and I couldn’t find the sunshine

so I slept

at first because my thyroid was too weak to wake me but eventually because I couldn’t think of reasons to get up

when you miss so much class that someone takes your seat

it becomes difficult to feel like you’re in high school

He watched me

as if still suspended on that tree

he watched me

saddened by my dreams he wished to be my reason to wake up in the morning

but I had forgotten the friend I talked to when my brother came home drunk

“But, Jesus, I’m going to be late for soccer practice.”

The empty movie theatre in my head played matinee reruns as my brain went through reminding cycles and REM winding cycles because 19 hours of sleep wasn’t enough time for me to convince myself that this was enough. Nothing could wake me up.

Not the sound of my mother screaming and shaking my body to get up I can’t just sleep my life away

not the sound of a train’s horn blaring as it barrelled towards my trembling body standing on the tracks, or the sound of my broken breathing as I wheezed in shock beside the tracks I’d been too cowardly to die on

 not even the sound of bottles of pills knocking together in my pocket when my mother stopped me on the landing and asked me to hug her because I looked so sad and not the sound of the silence in the space of time that she held me when I should have told her I was on my way downstairs to kill myself

nothing woke me up but the sound of my parents running down the stairs and shaking my drowsy body until I awoke and the sound of the kiss my daddy gently planted on my forehead before my mother drove me to hospital and the fact that someone loved me enough to die when I didn’t love me enough to live

My God is more than the stain glass that we use to stab each other with

My God is more than any mistake of man, mother or kid

My God is more than a string of beads or an early morning or uncomfortable sunday clothes

My God made the sand that sits between your toes

My God made mountains that scrape the sky more gloriously than any man-made structure ever could

and My God knew, when he made me, that if he gave me the choice to screw up, I would

and that I would curse him and that I would hurt other people that he made

and he knew, that I may even try to hurt myself

but he made me anyway

because he wanted to share the enormous, outrageous, indestructible love that is capable of defeating any fear, pain, or memory that could ever demobilize me

you see my God is more

than Blood and water.

And though I still struggle to understand why he would die so that I could have relationship with him, and though I doubt him, and though I hurt him, he picks me up, dusts me off, and tells me that despite it all, he wouldn’t change a thing.

around your house in the dark

wonder a little

wander a little

Put on a brave face

Just put on a brave face

please, put on a brave face

that’s your brave face?

there’s nothing you can do about it

I mean, you can talk about it, 

but that doesn’t change anything